Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a big preacher and believer of “self-care” and creating space for oneself. Do I always practice what I preach? Kinda… In my tarot reading with Amy Kuretsky yesterday though, this message came up that it’s okay for me to prioritize myself for a minute. I so intellectually know this and I know that it came up in the cards for a reason and that there’s some shame and guilt around it for me. Well played, Universe– you got me.
As I’m transitioning to human mother, my role on this planet is shifting and while I will absolutely show up for my babe, I want to remember that it’s cool to ask for help and create space for myself. (Afterall, my kick-butt MIL just retired and has offered her child care services) But damn the guilt! I even feel weird about dropping my dog off at my in laws this week (per my partner’s suggestion) so I can do what I do. Lucy the dog loves having me at home and when I go out, I feel so bad for leaving her. Letting my in laws relieve me of Lucy care these past few days has allowed me to venture out and get into my flow.
Do I still feel a little guilty for living my best life? Hell yes? While I’m tempted to judge it, I’m going to try to get curious about it and notice it– no judgement. But for real, who the hell am I to get to do whatever the fek I want while my husband works and what not (ok ok, just going to notice- and get curious– thanks to my coach Nicole Jackson Miller for the reminder that when feelings come up that it’s cool to notice without judgement and get curious)
(Admittedly, I think I may be feeling a certain way because of codepency stuff– it can be damn addicting to feel needed by my dog and family– yet we know rationally that we show up as our best selves for our people when we ourselves are cared for. No judgement- just observing these patterns and practicing challenging them)
Here’s some evidence I’ve gathered that allowing support and help has been really awesome:
Wednesday (after dropping off Lucy at my in Laws)
I felt so in flow when I was writing, uncovered some really necessary truths that are getting me closer to healing and being a better partner. A lot of good shit happened.
I suppose ( needed to write some evidence and reflect why accepting help and sinking into space for yourself is so good– and we can be aware of the guilt or feelings and get curious about it. After these 2.5 days, I’m feeling more myself and doing things I haven’t done in ages (like writing and healing some shit).
Sometimes it’s about practicing what I preach 🙂
Somehow, I feel that there is a paralell between allowing space and support in your life AS WELL AS in business 😉
Thanks for reading. Let me know if any of this resonates with you!
I get it. You’re busy and you feel like you have no space to breathe, let alone get anything done. You talk to your biz friends about it and they suggest getting a VA and you see posts on facebook groups asking for VA recommendations. This can be such a tempting solution– just have someone on your team to pass off the tasks that you just don’t know what to do.
Here’s one scenario: Once you hire someone who seems nice and competent, you realize you are spending a lot of time answering questions and you get to a point where it just feels easier to do certain tasks yourself instead of passing them off and explaining them. And if you’re not reaching your retainer hours for a VA, you feel like you’re wasting money. Uhg.
Here’s another scenario: You have clear expectations and roles and responsibilities. You have SOPs in place and a dedicated few weeks for onboarding your support person. You have the space carved out to answer questions that come up and your new person pretty seamlessly integrates with your team.
I have people come to me inquiring about my instensives– which are all about getting a business set up with the necessary systems and processes or prioritizing necessary projects. These create space and advising for business owners to get everything they’re thinking out in the open and then make decisions about what needs to be done, who needs to do it, and how to delegate these things– for example. I’ve found that often systems and such are not one size fits all and it’s so helpful for the CEO to make decisions and to have someone like me translate what that can look like from a systems perspective and WHO can help them.
After an intensive, I can then make recommendations of who to hire and what services I can offer. I usually don’t work for more than 90 days inside someone’s business. I’m not an implementor– and I’ve helped my people find the right ones! After an intensive, I’ve offered hiring manager for hire services as well as short term project management (usually around SOPs) and advising.
I’ve discovered after talking to many CEOs that some people just want to make that quick hire and forgo an intensive AND forgo a careful screening and hiring process. I’ve heard “Wait, you’re telling me you want to talk to me on the phone and then not necessarily work with me ongoing? Why not just hire a VA?” That’s a great question! A quick hire (and forgoing an intensive/getting things set up) can totally work for some– and I don’t recommend it for everybody.
– You know what you need/ you have some systems and SOPs in place
– You have your client process mapped out and have your system in place (like Dubsado for example) for onboarding, you have your methods for collecting money and accounting processes down. This doesn’t need to be perfect but you have made these decisions.
– If you haven’t made these decisions about processes and systems, you are OK with someone else figuring it out and you not having a say (if you truly want to quickly pass it off)
– You hire someone who can lead and tell you “no” and tell you what they need
– You don’t feel comfortable asking for what you need or you don’t know what you need- any hire needs training or if you’re getting a VA/implementor, they need to be explicitly told what to do in your business
– You don’t have your systems and processes down– like your client onboarding, your contract systems/CRM (think Dubsado or others)
– You still want to have your hand in the decision making about baseline processes/procedures in your business yet you’re desperate to just “hand it off”. Nothing is more frustrating than handing a project off and then having it not be right– but people can’t read your mind. If you don’t mind having it done a certain way, then great!
– You’re not ready for people to make decisions on your behalf or haven’t taught them how to make decisions on your behalf. You also don’t want to field a bunch of questions.
(What can happen too is that you hemmorage money for retainer hours that you don’t use or for support that is more expensive than what you actually need)
In my experience, the hiring process, though it can seem long and overly thorough, can really pay off (of course, along with processes in place and a mindset of being able to delegate and trust others).
These are my observations from what I’ve seen in my own business and in others’. Does any of this sound familiar to you?